CLEAR LIQUIDS ONLY

 This will be a no picture post. You will all be glad when you read the subject content.

I may or may not have mentioned that we finally saw the surgeon who will be removing the appendix stump. But first, the colonoscopy. Despite being told by the surgeon from the trauma surgeon group taking care of the abcess that both the colonoscopy and the surgery could be done together. The young surgeon who told us this looked to be about 14 to me, for a minute I thought Doogie Howser was back and we were filming a new episode.

Not a good idea, colonoscopy first, then after pathology reports come back, surgery. This way if he needs to do any additional surgery, it can be done. So today is the prep day. I carefully read all the instructions aloud and if I ever doubted that he was tuning my voice out, it is now proven that I am right! 

Yesterday was supposed to be soft, easily digested food, no red meat, no fibrous veggies, etc. I explained this to him upon awakening, then asked what he might want. No answer, so I went out to the gardens. Came back in to find that he had eaten creamed chipped beef on toast. Good choice except for the beef. I suggested other things he could eat, like scrambled eggs, mashed potatoes .....

He complained about being hungry and not liking his options. I reminded him that the next day would be CLEAR LIQUIDS ONLY. I mixed the prep solution and made some freshly brewed ice tea. Before going out to play in the dirt, I reminded him he could only have CLEAR LIQUIDS and nothing else. That had to be the eighth time I said it before going outside. I left early this morning to get my hair cut and told him not to eat anything, suggesting that this would be a wonderful day to sleep in.

I came home to find him just getting up. We had bought some gatorade to mix with the Miralax. Thank goodness it was 4 bottles because yesterday he started drinking them! "But I thought I was supposed to drink them." I explained their purpose once again and it is not like he had nothing else he could drink.

So, he drank one bottle yesterday. Big bottles and I needed two of them and a few ounces. To my absolute amazement I came out of my room after changing into my old clothes to find him with another bottle. "But you said I could drink them today." Mustering every ounce of patience I have I told him I would make do with the two remaining bottles. I doubt he will know I used a couple of ounces of plain water.

Why did I think I could go back outside to show my tomatoes how much I love them? I was trying to make some steps up the embankment and found I needed a level. I came in and asked where it was, since he was the last one to use it. He gave a cursory glance to the tool filled table on our porch and didn't see it and went out the door to look in the tool shed (where all his crap should be) and said, "Didn't you say I could have eggs? I have to eat something!"

I lost the thin line of patience and yelled NO. I was thinking to myself if he had already eaten some eggs I was going to just go somewhere, anywhere but here and just let him do what ever he wanted (his last adventure with a colonoscopy was a re-do because he got up in the middle of the night and ate a bologna sandwich, much to the delight of the doctor). He had not eaten the eggs, much to my relief. I gave him some jello and asked if he wanted some broth as well. 

Then he asked me why I was so mean about the clear liquids. I asked him how old he was and why he couldn't read the instructions that were in plain site on the table and reminded him that I had said CLEAR LIQUIDS ONLY more than half a dozen times and he either ignored me or decided I would cook for him if he complained enough. I might be more considerate if this was the very first colonoscopy, but after the last fiasco, one might think he would have learned from his mistake.

I had a colonoscopy last month. I read the instructions and took care of business all by myself! It is not fun, but you do what you must and it is only one day of clear liquids, after all. It gets tiresome as the day wears on and you long to eat something just because you know you can't. I won't be going to a restaurant and bringing home some take-out food like he did. The smell of the food is hard to deal with. I ate a sandwich for lunch and will probably eat a bowl of cereal this evening and I won't eat it right in his face (like he did when I couldn't eat). Because I am a kind and considerate person. Maybe somewaht sarcastic and a little demanding, but who isn't?