Mr. BoJangles and The Great Escape

 As promised, last night's adventure ....

I was resting at the end of the day as dusk was falling. Suddenly all my dogs were on their feet at the sliding door, barking ferociously at some unseen (to us humans) intruder. They could barely wait for the opening of the slider to escape out the door and gallop to the back yard.

I was watching Lester Holt tell us about the state of our world and didn't give it a second thought that the dogs were out. The yard is fenced, after all. No gate could swing wide and let them free. The gate stands on the small back porch, hinges and all, just waiting to be hung, as it has for the past two years.

HeWho fails to give his wife a gate stood from his favorite seat and saw Eddie out the window. He shouted that Eddie was loose and I was quick on his heels to go out to coral my boy dogs. I knew that if Eddie was able to get out, Bo would be out. Toni Louise was looking up at us as we raced out. I put her in the house. She is so docile now that she is old like me. No longer up for an adventure, she went to her spot and arranged herself with a good view of the door. No doubt relishing the thought that the boy dogs were in big trouble and she wasn't.

HeWho let the dogs out came around the side yard with Bo in his arms, and I called out to Eddie. Eddie will not run from me, but he still a stubborn creature to be dealt with. He refused to mount the steps into the house, laying flat down on his belly and just staring at me. I had to pick him up.

I could feel the sand and dirt on Bo's undercarriage when HeWho handed me the dog. Eddie with his low riding body and long hair was even worse. I sat Eddie on the floor and moved the steps that afford him easy access to the sofa. I pointed my finger at him and told him not to move until I came back. This exchange intrigued Mr. BoJangles and he forgot to hide from me. I scooped him up and dumped him in the tub. He would have to be bathed, no matter how much I didn't feel like doing it.

Bo likes a nice warm bath and is usually quite excited and happy to be in my control with soap and water. This time, however, I was scolding him the entire time. He had the decency to look contrite and did not try to extend his bath time for more warm water and a rub down with shampoo. He shook when I told him to and let me gather him into a towel. He loves to escape the towel and run zoomies through the house while soaking wet, but he sat calmly as I dried him off. I ended my tirade with telling him his toenails were going to be cut whether he cooperated or not.

He stared at the clipper in my hand and tensed his entire body. Before he could act I cut one of his back toenails. He yipped and squirmed until I looked him in the eye and said "Stop that nonsense right now! That did not hurt and you know it!". He stopped immediately and I chose another toe. He pulled back and I offered the clippers to his nose for a sniff and repeated that I had not hurt him. He turned his head to the side and let me clip all his back toenails. Like a child getting a shot, he looked away as I clipped.

Then I went for his front paws and he started screaming like a woman being chased by a bear! I decided that I had almost won the fight and let him down to run behind the recliner where he thinks I won't be able to get to him. Eddie was sitting where I had told him to and refused to look at me. I could have used some help at this point, but HeWho was outside looking up at the deck for who knows why.

I picked Eddie up and put him in the tub to wait while I went out to the cabinet on the porch to grab a few dog towels. I found Eddie waiting back at the door for me. I was mad that he had gotten out of the tub, but I had not told him to stay there. He always acts like he is unable to get over the side of the tub, that little liar! I picked him up again and we went back to the tub for his bath.

Eddie is bigger and has a lot of hair, making it a longer and more difficult task. It takes forever to rinse all of the shampoo out of his fur. You think you have it all, then rinse your hands to feel around and find more areas still soapy. My poor back was throbbing when I finally finished and squeezed the water out of his tail and feet, then gathered him up with two towels and another one on my lap. His silky fur seems to hold water like nobody's business.

I sat down on the toilet with Eddie on my lap, scolding him for all his atrocities, telling him he had more blame because he was the oldest and should set a better example for Bo. I am sure he would have told me he just went along to keep Bo in sight or some nonsense. He did not fight at all when I cleaned his ears and started snipping the mats out of his fur behind his ears. 

Finally the man staring at the deck came in from his deck gazing to see what I was doing. I handed him the clippers and commanded him to cut Eddie's toenails. He looked panicked. "But he will bite me".

I assured him that Eddie would be biting nobody, that Eddie had been a bad boy and now must pay the price. He cut the back paws, then escaped to his recliner, the front paws being too close to Eddie's mouth. Eddie might be agitated, but he won't bite me. He usually chews his nails off, but had one really long one and I clipped it. Eddie was highly offended and dared to look me in the eyes. I told him to lay still as I checked his belly for fur matting and clipped away, then I used the undercoat comb to get all the excess fur from him. 

I was tossing the fur into the bathtub to keep it from flying around the room in the air. Then I used the regular dog brush to finish up. This all took about 30 minutes and I was exhausted when I finished. Annoyed, too. I told Toni Louise that I had no energy left for her bath and she looked at me lovingly with her cataract eyes.

I cleaned the fur out of the tub, all the while wondering why there was no market for dog fur as soft as Eddies. I knew someone once with a furry white dog who said she wanted to stuff a pillow with dog hair and gift it to her mother-in-law who was allergic to dogs. She wasn't all that bright, since she stood on her glass top stove to clean the area above her cabinets and ended up with 17 stitches in her foot. I did remind her that since she had children that one day she would be a mother-in-law herself, but that was lost on her, too.

So, you may be wondering if all that late night activity allowed me to fall asleep. It did not. To add insult to injury, when I went out in the cool morning air to attend my vegetable garden, I discovered that Mr. BoJangles had torn down my netting and trampled through my beans in an effort to get to the cats that made the whole adventure possible. He knocked down a tomato plant and the tiny green tomatoes littered the ground where he gained entry to the garden. The corner of the fence that he had pushed open to escape was "fixed" by HeWho fixes stuff last night.

Bo and I had another chat this morning about all his shenanigans. He looked contrite, but I think he is just a good actor. I will leave you with this question ... do you think Siri and Alexa gossip about us?