Toni Louise Has Something To Say

 My name is Toni. They also call me Toni Louise, TL, and sometimes my lady human calls me TL-zebub. That is when she is mad at me for breaking her rules. She is big on rules and I don't really care about rules so much.

I think I should make some rules for her! Rule number one would be not to leave me here with Mr. BoJangles! She is not the boss of me, I am a man human's girl! He doesn't do rules, either and we get along just fine!

She sat us dogs down to have a talk. Unless there are treats involved, I am not prepared to listen. She will take our faces in her hands and look into our eyes and tell us stuff. Eddie is such a kiss-up. He actually likes it when she does this and he will sit quietly and listen to what she has to say. Bo will listen a little, but if she gets too close he will stick his tongue out and give her a big lick on her nose. She will laugh at him, but she gets annoyed with me.

A few days ago, I am not sure how many, she sat us down and I immediately left and hid behind my man human's chair. She can't reach me there and unless she really wants to talk to me, I can stay out of it. If she wants to make me come out, she will move the entire chair. She is quite old and has a lot of aches and pains, so it doesn't happen very often.

She was talking mostly to Eddie, telling him what a good boy he is and how proud she is of him. Blah, blah, blah is what it sounds like to me. Because I don't pay attention, I am sometimes surprised at what happens. I can always ask Eddie, though.

So, boy, was I surprised when I saw her packing bags. I was excited, too, because I thought she was taking all of us somewhere. I was trying to use my powers of thought to remind her to pack some treats and patiently waiting to be harnessed.

My man human took the bags out and she grabbed her purse and looked around. She said she didn't think she was forgetting anything and then told all of us dogs to be good and remember what she had told us. Then, suddenly they were gone! I think she forgot something! Her pets!!

Bo tried to engage me in one of his silly games where he will pretend to attack me and growl before jumping out of the way of my open mouth. I told him to go take a nap. Naps cannot be over-rated in my opinion. Eddie was in his favorite spot when our lady human is not around.

We napped, then we ate and drank some water and walked around. They were still gone, but I can hold pee for a very long time. Lady human once said that I had a bladder bigger than a basketball. I confess that I have no idea what a bladder or basketball is. Eddie says all the things she says would make sense if I would simply pay attention, but he has said the same thing about man human when he doesn't understand lady human.

I decided to nap some more. Besides treats, napping is my favorite thing to do. The next time I woke, it was dark outside. Shouldn't they be back by now?

Eddie just stared at me when I asked him. "What?" I said to him. He told me I was unbelievable. Believe what? "Mom told us where she was going!" said Eddie (he calls her Mom and sometimes Mommie, like I said, such a kiss-up!). "Well ......," I said to Eddie, "tell me what she said!"

He sighed. He does that a lot, like he is annoyed with me, but whatever. He finally told me that she had taken my man human to a hospital! I know what a hospital is, I am not unfamiliar about that! I have been a lot. Not to human hospitals, of course, but animal hospitals. He said man human was having surgery. I know that one, too. I had surgery more than once! They actually cut you open! Oh, you are asleep when it happens and they sew you back together before you wake up. Then you feel all sleepy and sore for a few days. It is not that bad.

Eddie told me that they will cut man human's leg open and fix the inside of it so he can walk without hurting. Oh goody, then he will play with me more! I like to play! I like to catch popcorn in the air, I am an excellent player in that game. Lady human told me I was a goof-ball. Eddie laughed because he told me she was making fun of me! Hey, I got a treat out of it!

All the times I had surgery, I came right back home the next morning and one time, that very same day! But another dark sky came and went and they were still gone! Something really weird happened while they were gone, though. Us dogs were just hanging out, minding our own business. Lady human left out pee pee pads, but I decided to pee on the floor. And that is when it happened.

I heard my man human! He said, "TONI, what are you doing!" I nearly fell over! I ran to the door, but he wasn't there! Then he told me not to pee in the floor. I still couldn't find him! But he knew I just peed on the floor, how did he know that? Bo heard him, too. He helped me search for the hiding place. Eddie just sat there and barked a couple of times. He didn't bother to help us look. I didn't know why.

Then man human spoke to Bo! I barked and Eddie barked, but Bo SCREAMED. Then I heard lady human from far away tell man human to stop scaring us. It is even worse than I thought! Both of them must have shrunk and they are somewhere in here hiding! I left Eddie to comfort Bo and launched another search. I wondered just how small they would be and then hoped we didn't accidentally eat them!

I was telling Eddie all of my thoughts as I searched. He laughed at me! I was not joking! 

Finally he reminded me about the new human toy that came in the mail. The box did not smell like treats, so I wasn't watching when man human opened it. Eddie told me it was camera that they could watch us and hear us AND talk to us. Now I feel kind of silly! Bo even knew about it. So, why all the dramatics with the screaming?

Another dark sky came and I was beginning to feel abandoned! Then, I heard it ...... not the truck, but the car and it was coming down our driveway! We all ran to the door and stood there looking for humans. All of a sudden the screen door opened on the porch and there she was, unlocking the door, our lady human!

 I was so happy that she was there, I almost forgot about man human and where he might be. I also forgot about my puddle of pee on the floor. Lady human was not mad about the pee at all. She let us out and grabbed the mop and bucket and went to work. She picked up all of our poops, then mopped up all of the pee and took away the pee pee pads, then she grabbed man human's new slippers with the thick rubber soles and his cane.

I looked at Eddie and saw that he was thinking the same thing ..... she was leaving again!! Oh, no, this can't be true! Bo was still all excited, but Eddie and I were sad. Then we heard the car door close, but it didn't start up again. This is when I heard my favorite human in all the world, man human was out there, too. I was so very happy to see him and I wanted to jump in his lap and stand there on his legs and kiss his face.

Lady human told me to stay down! Is she nuts! How will man human know how happy I am if I don't jump on him and kiss him? Bo paid no attention to lady human and jumped up on man human's legs. "Ooof!" said man human; and lady human scooped Bo off his lap and scolded him.

He is in bed now and all of us are happy they are home!