Tuning Out

 Yesterday I was telling you about my trip to Home Depot. The Hostas, remember. Most of the plants in the garden center were pretty sad. They had the sun loving plants in the shade and the shade plants blistering in the sun. Not a lot of perennials to choose from. I was looking for ground cover and found a flat of Mondo grass, but it was so sad looking. I could not bring myself to shell out $24 for plants that would need a lot of attention to live. At least Walmart will put them on clearance. 

But today I want to tell you about our meal. Longhorn Steakhouse. HeWho loves steak. I can take it or leave it. I was in a snarky mood as we entered. The man entering in front of us held the door for two ladies leaving and then entered himself. We came in after him. He blustered apologetically that he did not see me, and his face turned red. No big deal, no apology necessary. It's not like he slammed the door in my face. I said, "No problem, you were looking in front of you, not behind you." This seemed to fluster him more. HeWho missed the entire exchange, and I was trying to explain it to him when the hostess returned to seat us. We were the only people there, just us and when she asked, "Two?" I almost turned to look at the space behind me and say, "You are eating with us, aren't you?". You know, just to enjoy the confusion I would create.

It was well after the lunch crowd and the restaurant had plenty of tables available, but she seated us in a booth right next to a group of four. Two couples celebrating someone's birthday. This was the LOUDEST table in the entire restaurant. One of the women spoke loud enough for HeWho to hear every word. Take it from the woman who struggles to make him hear me, this is an accomplishment!

They appeared to have finished their meal and were about to indulge in dessert. A big bag was on the table with helium balloons adorning the handle of the bag. The woman was talking non-stop, and the men appeared to be mute. She was quoting scripture and mentioned Jesus several times and then suddenly she was talking about Jewish ceremonies. I got confused for a bit. I could not help hearing everything she said, after all. The men seemed to be confused, as well, but no one interrupted her. Then she was talking about cupcakes, as she whipped out an aluminum pan from home with cupcakes. That was odd, or so I thought to myself, not knowing just how strange my lunch was going to be.

In addition to the pan of cupcakes, she opened a package of paper plates AND plastic forks. I grabbed my phone to text HeWho, so they wouldn't hear me (HeWho can't hear whispers, which annoys me and makes me talk loudly and over-enunciate). Who eats cupcakes with forks? Not only that, who would choose to eat anything with a plastic fork when a real fork was on the table in front of you?

I watched as the men gamely tucked into their cupcakes with the plastic forks. It was fascinating. The tines of the plastic forks bent in the icing! I thought maybe it would get quiet while they ate. No such luck. Yes, she talked on and on about a Jewish ceremony someone named Julie had gone to and then "changed her name, do they all change their names?" the non-stop talker asked the woman across from her. "She changed her name to Julia," she went on to say, not waiting for an answer, "what was Bridgett's name before?" The other woman was quicker this time and answered, "Bridgett." I wanted to laugh, but HeWho had said nary a word to me, and I was afraid they would think I had been listening and it would be rude. I couldn't NOT hear them!

We finished our meal and left; they were still there.  I said I wasn't ready to leave when HeWho stood up. He looked at me like I was a strange apparition that had suddenly appeared, so I meekly walked out with him.

When we got outside, he asked me why I didn't want to leave. I told him that I wanted to know what name Bridgett chose and what kind of ceremony would make one change names. Of course, he had no idea what I was referring to. He has an uncanny ability to tune out voices .... mostly mine.